You really could never imagine it.
In your mind she was an angel, but all she was doing was following her biological instincts to breed. She didn’t think asian men were good enough to be worthy of breeding just like every other whore in my family. She didn’t give a damn about anything else, just that. I’m the product of extermination. This is what you wanted, mom? This is what you wanted. Your own son was destroyed by you before he even came out of the womb, and look at the other one. 31 with no job, no future; filled with your mental illness and the results of your crippling racist insanity. My own mother said asian men were worthless – look at us. How many times were we bullied in school, and yet you whore, even you preferred white men. How could we love you? How could we think fondly of OUR OWN MOTHER WHO BETRAYED US?!
You wanted asian men to die, didn’t you. All of these women do. They don’t care about their personalities of their inner qualities; that’s the biggest load of shit we’ve ever heard. You care only about one thing – genes. I am a walking testament to it – to evolution according to women, and I refuse to be a part of it.
My wife, she is not like you. She is much more beautiful and kind than you ever will be. You destroyed our family. You and your psychopathy, destroying my weak father; you KNEW he was weak and that he would fall for an asian woman, you calculating cunt. And yet when he wasn’t making enough god damn money you KNEW that you could move on. You deteriorated and destroyed your own life, because you couldn’t face what you had done, you monster. Look at your sisters, three of them married Chinese, and now you are in the ground in New Jersey; they are millionaires so many times over. But you, like my cousins, prefer even the most worthless, pathetic white male to an asian male. How could you do it? You and your kind – you created a monster. You never asked me if I wanted to be here, did you?
I have dreams about you, mother, dreams where I try my hardest to get away from you. I hope to never see you again. Should I thank you for giving me this life? A life of pain and horror knowing that you abandoned your own race like the millions of whores overrunning the west? Look what happened. Every day for me is agony. I stay here only for my wife; I devoted my life to her.
I already committed suicide by coming here. I’m already dead a thousand times over. Imagine if I had the pain of looking asian – I probably would have shot myself by the time I was 17. You pig, you are no better than the rest.
It’s over. I’m done.
Want to know what goes through the mind of someone who is suicidal? It’s whether I should do it in he garage or do it with sleeping pills.
So many people tell me to get help. No. No, no, no. Help from what? Get away from women and their hypergamy? Their racism? What help is that? One where I can live in a world masquerading as a white man while asian men are treated like shit? That’s what you want, is it? Isn’t it? You recognized it and took advantage of it.
I’m done, then. I’m sorry my father. You need to know that not a day had gone by for the past fifteen years that I have been happy and not wanted to kill myself. You should thank my wife for keeping me from doing that. But in sorry to you. You don’t know my pain. You never will. You have your religion that blinds you but if you ever took off your blinders you would see my mother for what she really was.
I want to die. I want to die so badly, I wish every night, every god damn night that I would just close my eyes and never wake up again. My wife who I love dearly could find a good Chinese man and make him happy. But I took her. Aren’t I what I hate? Isn’t that it? Isn’t that fucking it? I want to die, I want to be alone for eternity.
I think about it every day. About just sticking that gun, my uncles gun, into my mouth and just blowing my brains out. Every day, man, but you can’t see it. I’m here for my wife and for you. I have no emotions left. I’m a goddamn machine, that’s all. Just a goddamn machine. And you don’t see it, dad, you never will see it; you know it’s there but you don’t want to see it. You can’t because the truth would destroy you from the inside like it destroyed me. Completely.