I am going to pass from this earth and I’m sure many of you can never understand.
I suppose my mind reached out and found nothing at the edge of everything.
There is nothing more devastating that realizing your own mother acted on the same biological instincts that affect you negatively to this day. Character, intelligence, kindness and virtue are irrelevant in the face of physical qualities. Unfortunately most women would never admit this but they know it is true. So, my life is without meaning by default. I have long since given up. What faith I had is gone and I am a walking ghoul.
I know this will be hard for you to understand. Some of you I have never talked to in years, because frankly you are able to accept a world that I cannot. I have had many things taken from me except my dignity but now it is stripped and I am nothing anymore. I hardly go outside and when I do I hide my face because I hate that I am viewed as something I am not, with one side superior. Why am I superior to other men? Shorter men? Asian men? This is the tragedy of the world that I cannot live with. It’s something extremely painful to me and has long disturbed me.
To my friends, I do care about you but at the end of the day many of you can not understand my pain.
To my readers, I hope that I was able to present an honest and true picture of my mind and heart. I do not think any will miss me, and let’s not kid ourselves, I’ll be forgotten as people continue to do exactly what they want to do according to their biological instincts. So I will do what I want to do.