Knowing that if I looked Asian like my brother; I’d have gotten bullied worse than people thinking I’m a Russian thug.
Knowing that if I got bullied I could expect my own mother would be blowing and rewarding my own bullies while I’m putting a gun to my head. Thanks parents! What do you say to that, Asian feminists?
The more I learn about Chinese culture, the more I surround myself with everyday people who care about me, who never once abused me for not looking like them, who fed me and gave me a roof over my head, the more I realize what monsters racists and people like my own mother and women in my family are.
The more I realize that I had been free of racism my entire life – yet my very own brother was not – makes me instantly lose virtually any lingering respect not only for her – but every other woman in my family that was once dear to me. This happened literally within days of coming to this realization.
Or maybe I should just be proud to be Asian? Or which is it? Proud to not be fully Asian? Proud that my own brother faces discrimination while I coast by in life?
Proud that people whom I could otherwise look like get painted why a wide brush while people who look like me (non-Asian) get a pass from virtually all generalizations about the controlling nature of Asian men? I’m expected to sit here, knowing my 6’2″ white father is a monumental racist and conservative while I’m expected to believe and accept that’s very single asian man I’ve met, the ones who took care of me when I was deathly ill and alone in Beijing, the ones who earn four hundred dollars a month and live four to a room while I can make several times that just by virtue of showing up with my white last name?
I’m supposed to believe and accept that women in my own family adopted white last names, were married to or are married to white males, all tall, of course, and that I need to accept that this is because of some severe cultural flaw in Asian society, but only Asian men, the same men with whom I share minor superficial features?
I’m supposed to merely accept, while my adoptive family in Beijing are making dumplings right in front of me, all of then with smiles and concern for each other, who took care of me and gave me a roof over my head when there wasn’t a single person who ever gave a damn about me, when I was on the brink of suicide, and ESPECIALLY not my brother, and would definitely have given less a damn about me had I been born with oriental eyes?
As a mixed race person who looks predominantly white – I say right now that there are levels of privilege in society. White males have amazing privilege, as I have experienced and written about before. Guess who has next? It used to be white women – until they went off on their own and made enemies with the white global male powers; so now it’s Asian women, sidled up with the white male “patriarchy” as if it’s a default.
Asian women are privileged. They don’t get called gook and chink on the street. My brother did. My friends and my family did. But I never did. But my children will. From a Hapa: you’re all filthy liars. All of you. Maybe you can convince yourself you’re doing some kind of good. But your children will pay for your sins.
It’s quite simple, as I’ve reiterated over, and over, and over again: a non-white male, in western society, will be demeaned almost constantly for his race – and this includes your very own child. He will then try to either hide or take pride in his heritage – but he will find it next to impossible to take pride in his heritage when his own mother sought to demean it and destroy it by proxy of a white male. And you wonder why Hapas are so troubled?
I have yet to find even a single WORD coming from Asian women about the realities of their Eurasian sons, only until after they have children and come to terms with the realities and fruition of their terrible actions, and out of some perverse kind of guilt try to redact what they did by imposing their own views on Hapas. But nobody can be a Hapa but a Hapa – and to be a Hapa is to form your own opinions of your parents; and by going outside and viewing the reality of race relations in the West it’s virtually impossible to form a positive opinion of an Asian woman and a white male, including our own parents.