On Mental Illness and Realizing the Cause

I assume most of you can venture a guess that I demonstrate unusual psychological behavior. It’s hard to tell from my writing but I’ll go on the basis that even people in my family think I’m crazy and weird, and I assume that you’re able to judge my mental stability based on my writing patterns; I deleted older posts that were mostly about suicide and self hatred but as time has gone on you can see the writing has decidedly become more stable.

Now I have to say it took me until literally two days before Elliot Rodger’s massacre to actually have an “aha” moment. And it happened after interacting with my 32 year old brother who has never worked, having spent fourteen years essentially locked in his apartment, exhibiting insane and disgusting behavior that I don’t even know the details of to this day (hoarding, really, really vile personal hygiene habits, etc.). Think things found in his room and bathroom after a period of ten years of never really exiting his squalid apartment, so horrifying that both my father and grandmother refuse to divulge to me.

I have exhibited exceptionally erratic behavior as well, to sum it up: extreme narcissism, obsession with my looks, extreme and deliberate weight loss and gain to the point of throwing up and not properly disposing of vomit, extreme antisocial behavior, body dysmorphia (refusing to take my hand down from pressing into my stomach in an attempt to look more muscular), mild violent outbursts in public, extreme body image issues, etc., none of them I really feel comfortable going into detail about. I essentially have little contact with old classmates for fear of being reminded of my past “eccentric” behavior.

I had no real ill feelings towards Asian women and white men nor any real consciousness towards the idea of race until the moment it dawned on me that:

A) women were discriminating against me too because of my Asian heritage.

B) I hated myself deep down and spent years attempting to deny my heritage.

C) I was legitimately bizarre.

Plus my brother was sick and I just couldn’t ever pinpoint why exactly.

I started reading StuffEurasianPeopleLike and then comparing the news stories involving Hapas to my own experiences and it literally all started making sense; I suspect that the vast majority of Hapas are probably under extreme duress but don’t exactly know why.

This realization didn’t happen until I was 25 at roughly the time I started this blog and at least after the incidents last year, and I’m still reeling. I think writing here has been monumentally helpful in pinpointing exactly what went wrong, and I do firmly believe it is because of the level of self hatred that was passed down to me from my mother. Again I consider myself an extreme case and I do personally believe the psychosis of both my brother and I was caused not only because of genetics (ironically which drew both my parents together), but also because of self hatred and other disingenuous motives in forming a relationship; combined with the fact that my mother died as a result of her C-section, I am probably among the most extreme cases for Hapas and think it’s only fair to write about the danger of beginning a relationship on disingenuous motives.

Reddit Comment Part 6

Asian women use their hapa children to live the fantasy of being white. (self.hapas)

An Open Letter to Asian Women, from A Hapa Son

It doesn’t matter about your “preferences.”

We’re not stupid and any Asian looking person who has ventured out onto the social scene in the last 40 years knows pretty damn well how Asian women talk about Asian men and treat them like they don’t even exist.

Guess what, your kids are now going to look Asian. How Asian they look is entirely up to the luck of the draw; some of them like me get more Asian as they get older eventually crossing the line into full blown Asian looking. Guess what – I have been rejected several times for being Asian. I spent years trying to hide my Asian heritage just to be taking half as seriously as the white males you idealized for so long.

So now I assume you all get involved in “Asian programs” and “Asian cultural groups” to instill some self esteem in your kids; in other words you’ve hit the breaks on your hate and went fully backwards. Guess what: it doesn’t work. Just go all the way and teach them to be white, which will make them even more mentally ill.

If you HONESTLY think that any Asian looking Hapa isn’t keenly aware of the interracial dating imbalance as well as how Asian men are shown in the media, then you’d better work really hard to prove that Asian men are attractive too….. oh wait. You can’t.

Because their fathers are all universally white.

It doesn’t matter, 15 years later, 20 years later, this content will remain and the word will have gotten out. Now, suddenly, after you have kids, they start being called chinks and laughed at by girls – the same exact way you acted when you were young while you and your white boyfriend were coasting by in life; what are you going to do? Pretend it never happened?

Unfortunately having the luxury of acting on your “preferences” means that your own children won’t benefit from preferences and now you’re going to have to explain to them why many of your sisters in race also dislike Asian males… you’d better fully hope that there are some white girls who will take them, but we all know that depends on how the kid looks.

We’re not all 6’4″ Julien Kang lookalikes.

The bubble finally burst, some 20 years after the first Hapas were born. Better start writing blogs and crappy parenting articles about raising Hapa kids, maybe they won’t think about how much poisonous shit you talked about Asian guys when you were young. Or do what other mothers do, start plastering your Hapa kids all over the internet like they’re fashion accessories: that will really make them mentally healthy.

Oh wait, let me guess – you’re going to tell them, “at least they’re better because they’re half white.” Because that’s REALLY a great way to raise your kids.

Seriously, enjoy the next 20 years, if anything I’m sure my parents did. Not.

Don’t believe me? I have my childhood picture on my blog. I’ll post another one and maybe even reveal who I am to prove the point. It’s literally only a matter of time before someone pinpoints me as the source because of all the Asians in the US, my family are top feeders. You think I care about it? No, no I do not, because the things you are doing is beyond atrocious, and I plan to devote my life to exposing it.

Justin Nojan Sullivan, Arrested YESTERDAY for Plotting with ISIL to Kill American Civilians

Link Here.

And yet again, a Eurasian male makes the national news. How many more will it be?

Neighbors say Eleanor Sullivan, a native of the Philippines, is Justin’s mother and that Rich Sullivan, a retired Marine, is the teen’s stepfather.

Justin Sullivan, though, was described as a socially awkward loner, who stayed inside except to walk the family’s beagle.

How convenient. What kind of mental state are Eurasian boys in that they feel this is a proper recourse of action?

Sticky: Asian Women and White Men: The Truth, From a Hapa, Half-Asian Male (Long read)

 

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Use this blog as an example of how troubled Hapas can be, some worse than others. I wrote this essay about two years ago, at the peak of a very damaging breakdown. Since then, thanks to a supportive community and a small group of Eurasians putting their brains together, I have transformed this blog into a rational discussion of the dangers of hatred, the reality of race relations even in romance, and even discovered the source of why I was so crazy; my older posts (if you go back to the beginning) can be used as a representation of the kind of damage that was done to my mind, and the kind of psychosis that can be found in mixed young men. If you don’t believe that I am Hapa, continue reading.

 

  • In short, we Hapa men, are Asian men born from Asian women who thought Asian men were inferior or unattractive or unmarriageable in every way; and our fathers were racist (or clueless) enough to support this by virtue of their desire for sex and partnership.

 

  • We Hapas / Eurasians / Half-Asian people are almost overwhelming born from white fathers, implying that Asian features, when on a male, indicate undesirability, not only romantically, but by society itself. 

 

  • The myth of “Hapa / half-Asian beauty” is just a myth, and if we are not beautiful, or just look Asian, we are just reminded that Asian men are at the bottom of the hierarchy socially, romantically, as evidenced by even our own mothers’ choices. The entire value of Hapas then, becomes his looks or his ability to not look Asian, and if he fails to meet this criteria he will be poorly equipped to deal with it.

 

  • Claims of cultural flaws of Asian men also conveniently coincide with Asian men being rated the least desirable. Moreover, my father as with many other Hapas’ fathers was an extreme cultural conservative and vitriolic anti-feminist.

 

  • Don’t believe me, ask for proof and I’ll provide; I literally am taking a monumental risk writing this blog as the details are fairly specific. There is nothing on this website that can be refuted logically.

 

  • My father was borderline-autistic, unable to make eye contact, and saw Asian women as a “replacement white woman” when he was unable to get a white woman; my mother saw his blue eyes and height and saw him as a ticket to integration and higher status in her new life in the west.

 

  • It simply does not make sense for an Asian woman who, like millions of others, views Asian men as worthless, then has a half Asian son, and expect him to accept this, rationally. There is no political thesis or alignment that can explain the massive imbalance other than one that is self evident to no one but the children of these relationships and this blog looks to understand and expose them.

Asian women and their insistence on marrying and having children with white men is not something based on love, but rather (at worst) on hate (largely of Asian men) or at best un-attraction, yet their sons are Asian men and we are taught from birth that love is not colorblind (I’ll discuss how loveless and hateful my parents’ marriage was, later in this essay).

I have come across enough Asian women who thought I was beneath them, to believe that all of us, their sons, must resent and hate our parents in order to truly punish them. Contrarily, embracing this and finding solace in hedonism with white women would effectively mean that I have to admit that I am able to do so because I am half-White; and this is not a moral or healthy choice. I would rather embrace my Asianness and expose these issues – as very few other Hapas are willing to. I no longer want to sit by and watch the hypocrisy and hatred flying through the Asian community and the effect this has on people much more susceptible than me (as you can see how susceptible I was two years ago).

For reference, I am in my 20’s, look similar to a whiter version of Hong Kong celebrity Daniel Wu (the kind of Hapa that looks white to some; Asian to others; yet photographs more Asian; porcelain white skin that sunburns, very dark brown, thick and difficult to maintain hair, brown-greenish eyes, hairless chest and arms but hairy legs), am Ivy League educated and from a considerably wealthy Chinese American family on the East Coast (the wealth is not mine, directly). I also have one mentally ill brother, in his 30’s, unemployed, institutionalized and a virgin, who looks significantly more Asian than me. My father was, when younger, 6’3″, blue eyed, red haired and with a large beard, my mother 5’3″ or 5’4″, slender, with dyed red hair, colored contacts, and a sexless and unhappy marriage as long as I can remember.

We are lauded up as some kind of beautiful Hapa miracle children, but in reality we are born out of nothing other than cultural fetishization and the pursuit of certain physical attributes, neither of which we are capable of having, since we are, after all, Asian men.

Only after we are born do our parents begin to panic and start trying to instill self-esteem in us by teaching us about our heritage, falsely encouraging us to believe that we will be accepted by whites, or worse, by Asians, the same Asians that our mothers were trying to escape from. The irony of teaching Hapas to be proud to be Asian when Asian women are willfully throwing themselves at white men, is staggering.

But it’s obvious by just going outside, where you can see White male / Asian woman couples sitting next to other white male / Asian woman couples they don’t even know – that love is not colorblind, and as a Eurasian male this became evident to me in my teens, despite the fact that I do not look that Asian.

In fact, Hapas and Eurasians are still treated as Asians by discerning whites (anyone who bothers to make the distinction will not make the distinction between full, and half) turned down not only by white women but by also Asian women, subject to jokes and insults by the white majority where he is, and then outcast by full Asians who view him as an oddity.

Hapas and Eurasians are supposed to merely accept that white men were the ideal in their mothers’ eyes, and that no matter what we will never be the full white person, or allowed entry into white culture, the same one that our mothers had such an easy time integrating with.

The only reason that talking about this is taboo is because of our culture in which such sensitive subjects of race and gender are immediately shut down in favor of a sugar-coated anti-reality that seeks to ignore that the vast, vast, vast majority of Eurasians have white fathers. So we literally see hundreds of thousands of Eurasians with white last names parading around like they are unique, when really we represent the obvious failings of Asian men to procreate. 

Still don’t believe me?

Read More »

The Ongoing Mentally Ill Eurasian List: Why Are Hapas with White Fathers Committing So Many Crimes?

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The above picture describes my parents to an absolute T.

2016 update: I stopped, then started to continue to add people to this list because the news keeps aggregating and aggregating. 2016 has seen several national news stories featuring Eurasians – every single one with a white father and Asian mother.

Does anyone want to explain why virtually every single Eurasian / Hapa who commits a crime has a white father and an Asian mother?

The single largest mixed race demographic on earth – all uniformly born to white fathers (literally the last people on earth who understand what it’s like to be non-white) and Asian mothers (literally the last people on earth who care) – the only predictable factor among a million unpredictable social elements.

Could it maybe have to do with the fact that SOME of the people who get involved in these relationships present us with a highly politicized relationship involving the superiority of white men, passive aggressive myths about Eurasian beauty and abilities, and psychosexual microaggressions designed to demean Asian people? While my father never badmouthed Asian men – I can only imagine being the son of raceplayers, or women who make a show of their distaste for Asian blood. And I had it bad. 

Not all, of course, but let’s be honest that there are many Asian women who chase white men out of a passionate hatred for Asian men, and there are white men who are happy to sleep with them, disrespect the hell out of their Asian partners, not thinking that their son will look totally Asian. From the Sarong Party Girls, to the LA valley girls who dye their hair… where does this all lead besides some of us being in a really bad place… and there are some incredible selfish white guys who get off on being worshipped for their whiteness and think that their children won’t have problems. Really? Really?

Read More »

The Ongoing Mentally Ill Eurasian List: Why Are Hapas Committing So Many Crimes?

LFD2

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They’re mental illness breeding machines (link to study on mental illness).

Unless someone can accurately provide a plan under which a massive amount of Hapas, the majority of whom are born to Asian women who hate, dislike, disregard or disfavor Asian men and Asian blood, can uniformly come to terms with such a nihilistic and overwhelming slap in the face, then these crimes are going to continue happening.

I know so because as the son of people like this, I can understand the overwhelming feelings of desperation, anger, and hatred. Just go to the first pages of this blog!

I will explain why I think so after the list, and you can deduce why this is happening based on my personal experiences listed elsewhere on this website (hopefully as you go backwards in time you will see how my psychological issues worsen and worsen the earlier and earlier you go).

This is objective from aggregate data. Obviously there are hundreds we probably don’t know about, but I think it’s fair that we tally the ones we know of so far, despite research not being completed.

What’s telling isn’t that there are so many. There aren’t, relative to the total number of Hapas. What’s telling is that they are so massively unbalanced according to the parents.

If you think I’m lying, go ahead and list cases that I missed.

Hapa Criminals / News Stories with Asian Fathers:

Hapa Criminals / News Stories with Asian Mothers, from 2013-2015 alone.

Want to go further back in time? Sure, how about this?

  • Glenn Murphy, Jr., 2007, Head of Young Republicans, arrested for sexual assault on a 22 year old sleeping man.
  • Phillip Sands, ex-deputy Sheriff’s son convicted of murder, 2005.
  • Marcus Epstein, 2007, anti-immigrant activist arrested for assault on a black woman
  • Learco Chindamo, half Italian, half Phillipino, convicted in 1995 stabbing murder
  • Arthur Patterson, 1997 Itaewon murder
  • Heck Van Tran, Triple Murder
  • Roger Brady, double murder
  • David Anthony Runyon, 2007, killer for hire
  • Empire State Building Shooter, 2012
  • Robert John Bardo, Korean mother, White father, 1989 murder
  • George Woldt, wanton abduction, torture, rape and murder of college student Jacine Gielinski in 1997. “His own mother is Korean and apparently Woldt never accepted his Asian ancestry and wished his mother dead for having had him.”
  • Martin Soto-Fong, Mexican father, Chinese mother, triple murder, 1994
  • Alfred K. Brown, White Father, Japanese Mother, 1982 Triple Murder
  • Jason McClendon, 1995, White Father, Half Asian Mother, Murder of Mother
  • Steven Parker. White Father, Vietnamese Mother. Double Homicide, Kidnapping, Robbery. 2005. sources
  • Gerald Powers. White Father, Taiwanese Mother. Murder and aggravated robbery. 1966. source
  • Michael Blair. White Father. Thai Mother. Sexual Assault and Rape of multiple children. Early 90’s. source
  • George Wilkerson. White Father. Korean Mother. Murder. 2005. source

 

I would even go so far as to include my own brother, who has been bed ridden for 15 years after being diagnosed for schizophrenia, unable to keep a job.

The recent events in the news shows that almost 40 years after immigration laws were passed allowing Asians to immigrate to the U.S., the first batch of 2nd generation Hapas are coming of age; I consider myself among the older Hapas born in the mid 80’s, and it’s no surprise to me that we are now seeing the younger Hapas act out violently. The mental illness that crippled my brother is a legitimate thing for Hapas. The severe issues I had with my psychology was bad enough to push me to thoughts similar to those exhibited by some of these criminals. Luckily, I was able to pinpoint the source before anything drastic happened.

Above, I, with the help of some other Hapas, have compiled a list of Hapa / Eurasian / Half White criminals. They have been divided into categories, those with Asian mothers, and those with White mothers.

After a year of research, myself and some others have found four total Eurasian criminals with Asian fathers, compared to dozens from the other category.

The bottom line for what’s going on is this: Asian women dislike Asian men yet produce half-Asian sons who feel psychological emasculated and seek to emulate Whiteness, which itself is seen as the ticket to being loved and accepted; moreover, since white men often marry Asian women because they have too extreme right-wing views to be acceptable to white women, the child itself is also conditioned with these views. Lastly, as Asian women primarily concern themselves with integration and liberation from Asian male-ness, they put little thought into the mental health of their half-Asian children who have difficulty grasping the concept of being Asian, yet having parents who hated Asian men.

Hence we see a commonality among these criminals, with Asian mothers, wherein their crimes focus largely around sexual violence, violence against minorities, and in several cases, matricide. 

  • A Eurasian boy born from an Asian woman who spent her entire life hating and avoiding Asian men will be mentally unhealthy as the child itself is still an Asian male and it is biologically impossible for a Hapa child to be white; it is impossible for the child to spend his entire life hating and denying his heritage, as his mother wished she were able to. I lost 60 pounds in a single summer in an attempt to look whiter.
  • A Hapa boy born from a white man and a woman of color who places inherent value on whiteness will be  mentally unhealthy as we still remain Asian in the eyes of society and have only the reminder of own expulsion by our mothers’ behavior. 
  • A Hapa boy raised to be white and who lives in terror of his Asian heritage (I refused to look at photos of myself for almost 10 years for fear of seeing Asian features, refused to ever grow my hair out so that it wouldn’t be a darker color, adamantly denied I was half Chinese for years, and refused to even look at my own parents’ photograph for fear of being reminded that I was Asian, and even to this day in late 2015 have difficulty looking at myself in the mirror) will live in mental agony.
  • A Hapa boy or girl born from a self-hating Asian woman and the man who tolerates it, and has no idea how to raise an Asian son, because of its advantageous to him and his desire for sex / companionship / or in my case, “traditional marriage” will mentally unhealthy
  • A boy raised by a father and mother who have no idea about and / or reinforce the stereotypes about Asian men being undesirable will bementally unhealthy especially if the Asian son has no Asian father figure in his life.
  • A Eurasian boy born from the systemic imbalance of power between Asian women and Asian men will be mentally unhealthy.
  • A Eurasian son born to a woman who believes Asian men to be unworthy of her affection and by extension even existing will be mentally unhealthy.

Things my father said during Father’s Day dinner

Sort of relevant, since he deliberately idealized Asian culture and married an Asian woman as an alternative to liberated white women – possibly on top of extreme social ineptness that made him unable to be with a white woman, physically or emotionally; i.e., someone who would challenge his views.

  • Several comments about how he wished life would go back to how it was in the 50’s
  • References to seeing parts of the US state we are currently in, to get an idea how it was “before it all changed.”
  • Said: “When the new order comes, we will hang all the drug dealers. Just watch.” Everyone cringed at the dinner table and went silent with jaws open. He said it in total seriousness. “The new order.”
  • How life was much better in medieval times and how art was all about celebrating the human spirit
  • Several brutal comments about a woman with a mustache working as a Woman’s Studies professor at a local college
  • Several comments about black people

Convenient, that he married an Asian woman, and my brother spent the entire afternoon and evening lying in bed in the other bedroom (we were visiting a relative’s house), refusing to come out and communicate with other people, instead lying in bed and staring at the ceiling (he’s 32).

Let’s Hear An Answer! Open thread.

The question posed as follows is:

If an Asian woman prefers White men, insults Asian men, or even does so very vocally like many Asian women like Esther Ku, where is the Eurasian son to get his self-worth from?  

Why should he respect his mother’s decisions to exclude an entire race of people; why should he be proud when there was not a single man of Asian heritage on the planet good enough to contribute to his birth? Why would he respect his mother when he himself will face the exact same discrimination during his life that she doled out? How would this not lead to an extreme internalized self hatred that requisitely leads to inevitable mental illness, such as we’ve been seeing in the media? 

Once again, I would like a direct answer, which to this date has never been answered. 

Please,

  • No saying “not all AW/WM couples are like that;” plenty of them are and I was born from one.
  • No saying, “get help, have confidence, or stop crying.”
  • No saying “why does it matter what your mother liked;” because it matters an incredible amount if the person responsible for giving you life had strong racial preferences. If anything her preference was a universal commonality among ALL women – meaning that it’s merely a preference AGAINST Asian men. The son however still retains Asian features as I did and seeing mixed couples daily is nothing but a reaffirmation of his own low value in society.

If I get a single suitable answer I will no longer run the website.

Dylan Roof’s Manifesto Released; He has “great respect” for East Asians, why didn’t he try to get an East Asian girl for himself? These girls would gladly have dated him!

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Link here:

http://www.vox.com/2015/6/20/8818389/dylann-roof-manifesto

By contrast, “I have great respent for the East Asian races. Even if we were to go extinct they could carry something on. They are by nature very racist and could be great allies of the White race. I am not opposed at all to allies with the Northeast Asian races.”

Lol, how many times have I told you, people with these racist ass tendencies tend to give a pass to Asians and even go on to bang Asian women who are more than happy to sleep with these guys?

Now you see why Elliot Rodger went Elliot Rodger? He had the white entitlement passed down by his father but none of the genetics to back it up.

Asian women are the last resort of white patriarchy.

Believe it – you heard it hear first. You think I just make this shit up? I’m a Eurasian with an Ivy League education and a racist father.

Probably the most real post on WordPress, ever.