My extended family is quite prominent; meaning that my mother’s brother(s) and sisters all are very visible members of society…. or maybe not visible (at least one is) but in positions of relative power in corporate structures. I.e. having thousands of people employed under them and being in an position of immense influence in one of the world’s (in the case of one aunt) biggest international banks.
Of course you could choose not to believe this but the choice is up to you; I still pretty much doubt that anyone could ever really rationalize the idea that a man will be okay knowing that he is a member of a defeated race. And to those who say “you make your own world,” no, you do not.
The world is already clearly defined along power lines and clear hierarchies that puts Asian subservient to white and even if I did want to become successful this would just be proving the common liars right: that white / Asian mixes are somehow better. I genuinely ask you to say that a child born with the implicit knowledge that he is better than his peers because he is whiter is able to succeed in ‘Murica. Go ahead; answer the question.
By most definitions I am a failure compared to even the full Asians in my family and I do not apologize for this. In fact I relish in it.
Yesterday my father and my family went out on a trip around his hometown (i.e., the countryside around it). Aside from the constant history lessons he decided to berate me with as if I were a child, I could detect the gross sadness of having a 32 year old son who couldn’t even enter a darkened room out of fear (we were visiting a historic site), and a son my age who fled off to the far corners of the world just to get away from my own sense of inferiority- an inferiority reinforced over, and over, and over, and over, and over by Asian women.
Don’t believe me? My uncle, who I am close to, was awarded in the past five years the same award that a president of the United States was awarded at one point. So in this regard… yeah, I am who I say I am.
Last night I talked to my grandmother about the issue… she said (me), why do you have such a problem with your mixed race? And I said, there’s no way you could ever understand. I said, what if it was my own parents who told me that I was worthless implicitly? She said, the reason your parents’ marriage ended was over money, to which I responded, yes, Asian women are obsessed with money and she couldn’t reconcile her white prince Charming with the fact that he was broke.
The whole thing is a fucking joke.