Since reddit.com/r/hapas, the repository for Hapa shit, might be closed down eventually I will start cataloguing the horror stories I find on there. I’ll be focusing on just using my website as a way to save all the conversation there.
The posters use /r/mixedasians as a place to get away from the “negative” people at /r/hapas, but wind up just positing… negative stories.
Of course… we could all be just making this whole thing up, right? That makes it a lot more convenient for these couples to get together without any guilt. Right. It’s all made up.
submitted 4 days ago by halfchineseprincess
So I know that this group is mixedasians, so I presume that people posting here are already fairly into their Asian side.
I’m half European Jewish and half Chinese.
I think I look half Asian at best, I’m getting that a lot more since I got my hair chemically straightened and it has no volume hahaha.
But, I feel way more Chinese inside than Jewish. I barely feel Jewish at all. I don’t talk to my father (Jewish one), and didn’t grow up in that community. I grew up in a very Asian-American suburb in the SF Bay Area. I know I don’t look that Asian, but I feel it a lot more inside.
I have a fair amount of angst of not being accepted by people who are like “YOU CAN’T BE ASIAN NO WAY GET OUT OF HERE!”, but there’s also plenty of people who accept me and see me for what I believe I am. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to not care as much, but I still feel strange at times.
My favorite book is “The Unwanted” by Kien Nguyen, about growing up Amerasian during the Vietnam war.
I’ve toyed with the idea of learning more about my father’s culture, but I also have some extreme grudges against Jewish-American men and how some have a fixation on Asian women (I also want to work on this, but frankly, I’ve got bigger fish to fry when it comes to self-improvement). My father was very violent, abusive, sexist, and racist, and has a thing for Asian women, especially ones who just came here and don’t speak English. He ruined my mother’s life and crushed her dreams of a good life in America.
I generally just haven’t had amazing experiences with the Jewish-American community, although I do admit they are few and far between. My father’s family isn’t abusive and crazy like he is, but they are very distant. Although they are not straight up cold and admit it is a shame that my father was so terrible to me and my mom, one relative made a comment that he would not fill in the place/take the role of my father or a close relative since he isn’t one, although I could email him anytime!!!. It really hurts that they don’t care about staying in touch with me, and just have this occasional email relationship with me, more or less.
On the other hand, my cousins on my mom’s family don’t speak fluent english but have reached out to befriend me, and I talk to one of them every day and consider him a close friend/the brother I didn’t have, although he lives on the other side of the world.
I experienced a tragic loss, and am currently looking to find religion. Although neither of my parents have any background in the Christian faith, I am thinking most in joining a Christian church. I have been to a Jewish service before when visiting an uncle, and I found it to be cold and uninteresting. They just didn’t seem welcoming if you weren’t already in.
Anyways, my story. Anyone feel the same?