Asian women are sadists.
I say this because it dawned on me literally how unequivocally evil they must be to wish, despite never admitting it to their children, that their children do not look like them. You really think that the majority of Hapas don’t notice that way that Asian women throw themselves at white men? You think her own son won’t notice?
The idea that Hapas are beautiful is pushed on us, by none other than Asian women and white men. We did not choose this – and it dawned on me that there are women out there that really do savagely hate the Asian appearance.
They value above all things a whiter appearance.
A link from an attractive Asian woman named Jude Chao saying that she literally hated herself.
Comparing myself to the Caucasian girls around me, I felt unfixably ugly, unfixably wrong. Largely ignored but sometimes taunted and sometimes rejected by boys of every ethnicity, I felt unfixably ugly, unfixably wrong. And looking at the images of Caucasian women that dominated the media and shaped my perceptions of beauty and femininity, I most definitely felt unfixably ugly, unfixably wrong.
Now, after her son is born – she somehow is getting over it, but the lasting legacy of hatred remains, and will be passed onto her son. She is scrambling to come to terms with it now, only after her son is born, only after she was impregnated by a white man.
And despite it all, despite her saying that she does want her son to go through the same thing, her son sees his Asian appearance, and on top of that, sees that his very own mother, thought that white males and white appearance was superior.
And does she think it? Is she deep down really happy that her son looks less Asian than her?
How fucked up these people are and I feel sorry for their children. It took me 25 years to come to terms with my Asian appearance and it wasn’t better because I was half white. It was worse. I knew for a fact that my mother didn’t want Asian men. I knew for a fact that all the women around me including the ones in my own family didn’t want Asian men.
Asian women literally breed mental illness (unless their kids are totally white looking, like Nathan Adrian, then they’re just spiffy; or unless ironically the mother is a Philipino gold-digger who doesn’t hate Asian men but just married CLEARLY for the god damned money and green card).
If you’re hapa don’t have issues, you either look totally white, are a freak of nature at 6’7″, have by some miracle a mother who married for money and not out of white-worship, or are lying.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping my voice of reason shut away in the padlocked basement of my mind. Sometimes, though, usually late at night when I’m trying to choose between one of my many, many essences or serums or lovingly leafing through the hundreds of sheet masks in my collection, a muffled voice drifts up to the surface of my consciousness and asks timidly: Why does it matter? Beyond the therapeutic effects of my meticulously curated many-step skincare routine, what is it about K-beauty that has held my attention for so long?
The answer finally came to me last night. When it did, it made so much sense that I knew I had to share it with you all. Maybe I’ll find I’m not the only one who feels the way I do.
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