Why I’m not proud to be Asian, even though I’m half Asian.

The above movie “Chink,” from 2013, features a Eurasian male character played by a Eurasian actor  Jason Tobin (white father, Asian mother), and features his obsession with white women, his hatred of his own blood and his murder of full Asian men. Why? Because this is the exact message Asian women send to their own sons.

Every single time an Asian woman says “ew, Asian men,” they by proxy attack the half-Asian male children of Asian women that said the same thing twenty years earlier. It’s a time loop that is going to cause more and more Eurasian suicides, mental illness, murderers and violence.

 And if you think that Eurasian people don’t look Asian… Jason Tobin, the actor, looks fully Asian despite being half. So what will an Asian mother who “only dates” white men tell her own son who looks totally Asian?


I’d love to be proud, but it’s this insanely ironic.

Does everyone recall how Elliot Rodger stabbed three Chinese students to death despite being half Chinese?

Did you scratch your head wondering why this happened?

I’ll explain it in less than 300 words given my experiences. Frankly don’t listen to Asian women when they try to write the half Asian 混血儿 story for us. Don’t listen to anyone’s telling of the half-Asian experience other than the one found on this blog, because they’re frankly either lying or don’t want to admit it (ahem: Asian women).

It’s because being half Asian is just an excuse for Asian women having “white fever.” Half Asian men aren’t more attractive, white men (even the biggest losers like my dad) are more attractive, and half-Asian sons are just the “best case scenario” when a white man and an Asian woman have children.

Every time I try to look in the mirror and accept my black hair that sticks up straight, my dark eyes, my Chinese blood and my heritage, all I have to do is go outside.

I see thousands of Asian women throwing themselves at white men, talking awful shit about Asian guys on dating sites, and then I remind myself that I too have a western last name. I then think back to the times I was turned down by white AND Asian women for being half Asian.

Tell me: what pride would I take in being Asian? It’s so much easier to just identify as Russian or white or even Uzbek. Since white men are “so handsome,” why not just identify totally as white?

So whenever you hear or see Hapa mamas tearfully complaining about how their own little boys scream “I’m not Chinese!”, why the hell would we want to be part of a losing team?

Ever wonder why Nathan Adrian hardly ever talks about his Asian heritage?

Every wonder why Markiplier rarely talks about it either, despite him having a brother who looks totally Asian?

Every wonder why Markiplier is way more successful than his totally Asian looking brother?

Because nobody wants to be on the losing team. Again, we’re on the fast track to producing another mass murderer, encouraging more half-Asian suicides, throwing half Asian children down an incredible well, and yet nobody is listening, and yes, this criminal is going to have a white father and an Asian mother, just like the last 15 of them.

Asian Women Don’t Love, and Only Use, Manipulate and Climb, Part 3

AmericanChuathic.jpg
American Chuathic. Yeah, WM/AW pairings are rarely about love but more about status and image.

White men and Asian women aren’t friends to other minorities, no way, no how.

It’s not a coincidence that the White man and Asian woman pairing is the most common interracial pairing in the world – and might eventually outnumber White man / White woman couples.

It’s no coincidence that I am one of millions upon millions upon millions of Eurasians with white fathers and none from the other way around.

The reason for this?

It coincides with the rise of feminism, and the rise of higher standards among White women, whereas now – average white men like my father see and saw Asian women as being a proper substitute for white women. They get the “white skin,” and the sex and affection that white women don’t want to give average white men.

Asian women, to my father, were seen as being filial, family oriented, and traditional, and less promiscuous. My father is socially conservative, has nothing but vicious shit to say about current modern Western civilization, how the west has fallen.

In fact, it might not even seem this way to the white men, but as they are exposed to more and more Asian women, they just find Asian women easier to obtain than white women – for whatever goddamn reason. And, well, Asian women are the closet thing, “plus they don’t have the attitude.”

Also because of my father’s fear of black men and his countless comments about them, Asian women are well known for avoiding black men.

So essentially the Asian woman is “The White Man From the 1950’s” wet dream – literally.

I recall my grandmother said of my father: “your father doesn’t realize that the 50’s are never coming back.” 

A good example of my father’s behavior: refusing to watch movies made after the 40’s, refusing to see any movie that features a single curse in it, refusing to read any and all books written after 1850 or so (the Flappers were too much for him, I guess), believing the Jews run Hollywood, etc., etc.

Now, for the Asian woman, in finding a white man she finds herself the ability to integrate into her new home – a land she finds superior to her old one. After all, Europe, in the Asian woman’s mind, is exactly what she sees in movies, on TV, and the European man is an image she can latch onto.

Rather than settling for an average Asian man, she can settle for an average white man, milk him for money, and enjoy a white lifestyle. She gets to say she has a white husband, and Hapa kids, but don’t get it twisted: she doesn’t love her husband, never loved him, and never will love him. If any white guy reads this just ask her if she would love you if you were Asian. Is that true love? Ich don’t think so.

(Some Asian women, for whatever reason, like my mother, are almost completely soulless. These white guys don’t seem to realize that if a woman is dating outside of her race exclusively she’s probably mentally deranged or completely amoral.) 

A “white lifestyle” is essentially identical to the one that used to be occupied by the white soccer mom, who for some reason, in the minds of white men like my father (i.e., most white men), became unattainable or unmanageable back then.

Essentially the Asian woman gets to pair off with the white man – and they both get something out of it. The white man gets his “traditional” Asian wife (which essentially means less promiscuous, even though knowing my Asian American cousins this is far from the truth, but with my mother, she certainly was less promiscuous and didn’t have sex with my father at all). 

The Asian woman gets her “white dream life”, whiter children, her fantasy of being white and supplanting the white woman at the white man’s side. It’s not about love at all. It’s about an image: the New American Gothic. They try to give off a vibe of being happy but they’re not. After marriage my mother just completely berated my father for failing to match up with what she expected – a European Prince.

These people are NOT – and I repeat – NOT FRIENDS to other minorities. They have nothing in common with other minorities.

WM/AW is pushed as progressive. IT IS NOT. My mother and father would fill my head with stories about black people saying that I should avoid them based on what kind of clothing they were wearing because this meant that… wait for it…. they were diseased. 

Essentially WM/AW is the textbook 1950’s picket house fence marriage all over again.

Never, ever, ever, rely on a Hapa son of a White man and an Asian woman to be socially responsible, ever. As I said, I tried my damndest to be as white as possible when I was younger. I even considered dyeing my hair, I posted on extremely racist white websites, I made a black girl cry by dropping the word “nigga” to one of my white friends… but I’ll get into this later.

 

More Psychotic Chinese women, Part 3

More reason to be proud of being born from two fetishists. I don’t really care if you’re spectacularly handsome or not – it’s still really weird to have a white father and an Asian mother that look exactly like a stereotype.

We’re using an iPhone English teaching app a lot around here – (I don’t teach, my wife does) – so I hear a lot of her conversations, as well as the recorded lessons that each teacher has automatically uploaded to his or her profile after she or he is done.

This one wasn’t surprising, and was a Chinese girl (teacher) talking with another Chinese girl.

“I met my boyfriend in London.” (Surprise surprise guy is blond).

“We fells in love.”

“I tell him to move to Beijing with me.”

“Our baby will be sooo beautiful.” (Narcissism, with absolutely zero concern for the mental wellbeing of a child raised by a white dude or the concerns of us in being raised by such overbearing fetishistic weirdos.)

“But I don’t want to have baby.” (Even more narcissism, white dude is just a handbag, secondary to her… dreams, or whatever).

“My boyfriend is soooo stupid.” (Classic insulting and belittling of the white guy*).

*The last bit is interesting. I see this a lot, even with my own mother’s utter disrespect and hatred of my father. Whenever I see White men / Asian women couples – despite them swearing to be in love – there is an air of hostility involved. I really don’t know why. It might be because of the dweebish behavior of the white guys who chase Asian women, hence she doesn’t respect him, or because of any myriad number of factors that make it not about love, since it’s really not – it’s more of a fantasy. The ultimate reason is probably because it’s a matrimony of hate. Hatred of Asian men. There is really no love involved here.

Keep in mind that when you’re an Asian woman seeking out a white guy and only a white guy – literally any white guy would do – so you grow resentful of him when he doesn’t match up to your needs (your needs being: providing a white looking baby, feeling like a white Princess, or even better, actually being white, which is impossible).

I’m actually surprised that my mother never cheated on my father, but I really have no idea about this as I would have been way too young to remember anyways.

In my family there are several Asian women (all well below average looking, but in a non-sexual way, like wearing sweatpants, sweatshirts, big teeth, big jaws, constantly screaming at their father or brother) who are ALL involved with white men.

Each and every one of these white guys has something wrong with them. One is 5’5″, and this extremely neurotic old school tri-state type guy who has Giuliani era conservative beliefs. Whenever he is in the car with his wife she is literally SCREAMING at him while she is driving. (Obviously she’s driving).

The other Asian women in the family are with these guys who are either extremely, extremely awkward and mousy, despite being tall and blond, making absolutely poor money, while another is this tall guy with a speech impediment.

When at family dinners and their husbands / boyfriends aren’t there, they literally are mouthing off on them constantly, and I mean constantly, about how pathetic they are. My guess is that since a lot of these men are Jewish or otherwise such low-self esteem having weirdos, they somehow get aroused by the abuse as it possibly reminds them of their mothers.

Just reminds me of how when I was younger my mother would come to my bedside and just absolutely tear into my father (who was sleeping on the couch) about how he was such a loser, ate entire bags of chips at one time, had several phobias (I won’t list them here for fear of being doxxed).

It really makes sense, because when you are so filled with hate for yourself you become incapable of loving another person – including your white husband.

More observations on psychotic Chinese women

Part 1 here.

What I don’t understand is why people are so angry at what I write. You think with all the bizarre, unpredictable, loaded nature of interracial relationships that involve severe levels of fetishization and manipulation, combined with the universal hatred of Asian males – that someone like me would never pop up? You really think that a Chinese club girl or a Sarong Party Girl or a gold-digging psychopath hooking up and getting pregnant by some racist white sexpat or Charisma man – and having an Asian looking son – wouldn’t lead somewhere bad?

This girl just called my wife on an English teaching app, about ten minutes ago.

Things she just said:

  • She had a French passport but lived in Shanghai
  • That she was a 混血儿, half French, half Chinese, said her dad is French
  • Her dad owns Carrefour and set up the stores in Shanghai and Beijing (I just looked up Carrefour, the dude isn’t married)

Her profile picture shows a woman that is clearly 100% Han Chinese with tiny eyes.

This kind of lunatic behavior is probably the reason why so many Eurasians suffer from mental problems. If you make believe all kinds of lunatic fantastical shit about your life in the west – you probably are gonna want a white boy to help you fulfill that dream. And any white dude will do, but the closer to the tall Prince Charming ideal the better.

I’m actually being serious here.

I mean – do people like this just ride off into the sunset with their white lovers? No. They have children.

And yeah, my mom was a psycho, with a life filled with swinging knives, death threats, suicide threats, etc., etc. And yeah, anyone that delusional about reality is going to go for the thing she feels she deserves: a tall white guy.

Don’t believe me – just look at their behavior in public. Don’t seem so happy does it.

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By the way, this guy Thomas Dinh Bowman just got sentenced for shooting this guy four times in the head in a road rage incident. Surprise, surprise, just like his counterpart Elliot Rodger he was also driving a Biracial Murder Wagon (BMW).

Here’s a question, why are seemingly educated, affluent Eurasians adopting the extremely violent underclass culture that our parents were so adamant against ? It’s a pretty far stretch from how they dreamed of the Eurasian master race. Drug dealing, drive by murders, stabbings, rape, all of this is coming out of, and only out of WMAW Hapas.

Just look at our parents, man.

Sticky: If Asian women are unique in that they mock and despise Asian men in order to integrate and assimilate with whites – what happens when a Half Asian son looks 100% Asian, and is treated like an Asian male by society, has a racist, anti-social White dad and a broken home? Why the Mental Health of Hapa Sons and Daughters of Racist, Anti-Social White Men (With Yellow Fever) and Asian Women Needs to be Addressed, and Why You Should Reach Out to Hapa People; by the son of a Holocaust denying, conservative, shy, black-hating white man, and a hair-dying, colored contact wearing, mentally ill, insanely violent Hong Kongese mother, the two of whom had a “crazy” fetishistic “marriage.”

 

 

 

Half Asian men look and identify as Asian males, yet have two parents, an insecure, racist, anti-feminist, black hating white father and a self-hating, cruel mother who constantly belittles her husband, people around her, out of her insecurity and desperation to fit in.
Half Asian men look and identify as Asian males, yet have two parents, an insecure, racist, anti-feminist, black hating white father and a self-hating, cruel mother who constantly belittles her husband, people around her, out of her insecurity and desperation to fit in. I changed the above picture for fear of doxxing; ironically, the picture in the lower left hand corner is now of another Eurasian male who went to an Ivy League school, had a conservative white dad, and an Asian mother, and had a public meltdown. Use this blog as an example of how troubled Hapas can be, some worse than others. I wrote this essay about two years ago, at the peak of a very, very damaging breakdown. Since then, thanks to a supportive community and a (now large) group of Eurasians putting their brains together, I have transformed this blog into a rational discussion of the dangers of hatred, the reality of race relations even in romance, and even discovered the source of why I was so crazy; my older posts (if you go back to the beginning) can be used as a representation of the kind of damage that was done to my mind, and the kind of psychosis that can be found in mixed young men and women without proper intervention. If I hadn’t started this blog, I would likely now be dead or imprisoned, and ironically by writing I found the source of the very unsettling problems I had no more than two years ago; hence I won’t change the title. If you don’t believe that I am Hapa, continue reading. I try to present the issues as honestly as I can.
Two half Asians with their white dad, Chloe Mendel and her brother.
Two half Asians with their white dad, Chloe Mendel and her brother.
Caucasian father Asian mother = Asian looking sons.
Caucasian father Asian mother = Asian looking sons.

I am a formerly well liked, handsome, outgoing, popular, Dartmouth educated Eurasian man – a literal brown haired, hazel eyed dream Hapa boy – born to a mentally ill, violent, Chinese mother who sought out marriage into the powered WASP class – but then realized too late that the man she married was an underemployed, emotionally damaged, meek, rapidly balding, hyper-racist, hyper-conservative conspiracy theorist male who was an “Asiaphile” who wanted a “traditional, chaste Asian wife who wouldn’t sleep with black men” – and she essentially killed herself. At around age 20 I encountered anti-Asian racism (ironically from Asian women in my own family and white “friends” who actually liked Asian women because they were easy) and due to inheriting my father’s entitlement to the world and being raised to be superior, I was unprepared to deal with it; I am emotionally unstable, self-loathing, deeply mentally disturbed, addicted, underemployed, have strong intimacy issues, and to this day still unable to undo the damage that the Eurasian myths and family’s racism did to me, and unable to form proper relationships due to my self-hatred instilled on me during the first 20 years of my life. Unlike other Eurasians who find self-esteem in underpaid modeling jobs, are gay, permavirgins, or leverage their half-whiteness to Asian women, my self-implosion has been broadcast to the world to the point that I am internet famous. I am not afraid to be as viciously honest as I need to be in order to speak on the reality of this world.

If you don’t think this website is valid – go to Reddit.com/r/hapas, which received 13.5 million views in 2 years, and 2 million views in the last two months. Also – find half Asians with Asian fathers and compare their behavior to those with Asian mothers. 

https://streamable.com/kln7p

There are very specific issues with being the children of anti-feminist, racist, unattractive white men, and self hating Asian women who try as hard as they can to integrate and create white children, due to their hatred at their marginalization, and their hatred of their undefined facial features.

There are very specific issues pertinent to the “je ne sais quoi” of white men and Asian women, and the incredibly weird, unbalanced, uncomfortable, fetishized “dynamic” of “superior White man,” and “dainty, beautiful Asian woman.”

None of these apply to the children of Asian fathers. Almost every single part-Asian that people use to justify the superiority of Half Asians involves a Half Asian with an Asian father or grandfather (or both): Keanu Reeves, Dean Cain, Brandon Lee, and his father Bruce Lee. The reason why the sons and daughters of Asian men and white women fare better is simply because they are raised to not view whiteness as a superior entity; which both of my parents did, both of them being white supremacists.

Asian women specifically hate Asian men – and hope to create Eurasian children in order to raise their status; White men use Asian women as a means to get laid, provided that they are unable to do so with non-Asian women, whereby meaning that Eurasian childrens’ only value is to look as un-Asian as possible, meaning that Eurasian children are highly prone to mental illness, extremely racist parents, and broken homes. Failing to look attractive (our primary stereotype), means that many Half Asians just look Asian – which are essentially the bottom of the barrel in the racial hierarchy in the West. This also doesn’t take into account the extreme,  cruel, controlling, demeaning, calculating nature of Asian women, where they explicitly hope their children look White, so that Asian women can feel “superior” in wresting the White woman’s status and power away from her at the side of the White man.

Cartoon

Asian women are the ONLY race that explicitly goes out of their way to attack men of Asian appearance in an attempt to integrate and raise their own value. I do NOT like Asian women, firstly because they are physically unattractive (the fact that they look constantly angry, and the fact that they seem to have no life to their appearance, and just look like they’re always scheming), and also because their behavior is off-putting, controlling, hateful, calculating, and rude, as many others have noticed about them; they seem to pick lower status, unattractive white, and only white men, while Asian and Eurasian men will marry anyone, while Asian women only marry white males. Asian women will actually go out of their way to attack Eurasian men, as well, in a desperate attempt to bring Asian looking men down with them, and lower status, unattractive white men will use this as a ways to validate their whiteness – at the expense of anyone of Asian appearance, including Half Asian men. Asian women will attempt to control their Asian looking sons’ dating choices – pushing them towards Asian women; while white men who marry Asian women will act upon their insecurity and lack of control of their marriage, and lash out at Asian men, black men, and white women. Asian women are so unattractive that they pursue bottom of the barrel men of all races, men who are unable to get White women (their first choices), putting Half Asian children in danger. They will also go out of their way to ensure their flimsy “status,” my assaulting or attacking non-Asian women who are sympathetic to or even date Asian men, out of fear that the equal status of Asian men will reveal that Asian women are in fact not as good as they think they are.

Even Kip Fulbeck, king of all Hapas, admitted that the Hapa male process of self-hatred is such a problem, that it should be a cause for concern.

Imagine being raised by two racists – your own parents. Your own mother wanted a white man, yet here you are – a half Asian, a man who looks very Asian. Except you have a white father. Is it possible to raise a healthy child considering the loaded, white-worshipping nature of yellow fever and white fever? How can a biracial child be expected to be normal if he looks Asian, and the entire basis of his parents’ relationship was that the man not be Asian? How can Asian women outmarry at such high rates, have an open ‘white fetish,’ and expect Asian looking sons to be emotionally well adjusted?

In short: I am the son of a foreign born Asian woman from Hong Kong who deliberately married a tall (6’3″, skinny), red-haired, blue eyed, bearded white man. She, like many Asian women, sought out a man who had a “Western” background so that she could feel integrated into her new home, and better than her fully Asian peers. She was by and large mentally ill, violent, abusive, cruel towards my father when he wasn’t making enough money, extremely controlling, and had self-image issues, changing her entire appearance to “look white.” She did not and never did love my father, and only used him because he was white; their entire marriage was violent, loveless (father sleeping on the floor for fifteen years), and calculating.

This man (a semi-famous paleoconservative Homophobic activist on par with the Westboro Baptist Church) was interested in Asian culture and married because he was socially unable to marry a white or non-Asian woman due to his political beliefs and personality quirks (he is very socially conservative, very racist against blacks, Hispanics and Muslims, a Holocaust denier and anti-Semite, extremely over the top homophobic, very shy, not many friends, belief that white women are too liberated, extremely distasteful of feminism, extremely meek and unable to make eye contact with others, steps off the sidewalk when larger men approach, unwilling to work or make money for fear of violating Christian scripture). His interest in Asian culture was largely dictated by his personality – in which he idealized Asian cultures as being more honorable and traditional, and mistook “white worship” (a cultural tick in which Asian women see themselves as less beautiful than white women and marry white men for status and integration), for “traditionalism” and “submissiveness.”

I was raised largely as a white child, yet turned more Asian in appearance with age. I was raised in an environment that had an undercurrent of anti-Asian male racism (America), saw Asian women (including five out of six of them in my own family, all of them, including my own parents divorced or separated – my mother being dead) throw themselves at white men (the majority of whom are racists, Republicans, or short and or meek), and also an over-current of false Eurasian myths about beauty and intelligence. I subconsciously always believed myself to be “less” because my own mother and her sisters all were married to white men and adamantly denied I was Asian for a decade. 

My parents’ relationship, as was the case in every single one of my female relatives, was loveless, violent and broken due to her disillusionment with my father after ten years as he failed to make enough money, and grew balder and fatter and no longer lived up to the White male Prince Charming she had wanted (separate bedrooms, forced to sleep on the couch, extreme violent fighting). My brother and I suffered extreme psychological and physical abuse (beaten with coat hangers by our mother, Tiger Mommed, had her threaten to kill herself with a butcher knife in front of us, threatened to crash the car with us in it while driving at 90 mph), and her behavior became worse and worse as she realized that her white husband wasn’t making as much money as her brother and sister, who both married Chinese partners. This is a story of someone who was very sick, and in recovery.

The behavior of Asian women, in particular, is like nothing else on earth, to the point that you can see the majority of all stories about abusive parents on Reddit’s AsianParentStories sub – complain about the mothers, including the second generation Asian mothers – like Amy Chua – who metamorphosize into the Tiger Mothers that they hate, despite claiming to hate Asian men. Celeste Ng, a New York Times best-selling author, personally attacked me, after I pointed out that her book “Everything I Never Told You” was based on the broken WMAF families in her friends’ circle, yet she had written it about a family involving an Asian father. Asian women have proven themselves to be extremely hostile against non-Asian women, something out of their deep self-loathing and cultural proclivity towards integration and status, wherein love is secondary if not nonexistent in favor of maintaining status, face, and power over women who they view, deep down, as more beautiful than them. They will even go so far as to attack Asian male / non-Asian female couples, and force their Eurasian children (like me) to marry Asian, in an attempt to maintain an image of false superiority over non-Asian women; (e.g., that Asian women are the most beautiful, when they are not, and heavily rely on yellow fever and male desperation for their feeling of integration and desirability).

When I got older, despite the fact that society told me that I was “unique” for being Eurasian, I was treated with contempt by both white people AND Asian people; Asian women would often express disgust at me for being Asian (scowling at me on the street, or smirking), and white people would constantly remind me that I was Asian in a way to demean and undermine me. Several of my “friends,” who were engineers and nerdy, actually would take every opportunity to remind me of my Asianness, while sleeping with Asian women, as Asian women were all they could get. This caused me to self implode from a popular, outgoing Eurasian to becoming a recluse and suicidal. My insanity grew more and more pervasive as I fantasized about cutting out my eyes to make them deeper, refused to look in the mirror for five years,

Two years after writing the below, I am leaving it word for word, as I wrote it, as proof of how I felt and feelings I still struggle with as a male of Asian heritage who clearly looks Asian, born to a mother who thought of Asian men as beneath her. I am highly educated, formerly well liked, popular, handsome, out going  and like many Eurasians I burned out in my twenties with the realization that people, even Asian women in my Asian family, hate my Asian side, so now I’ve turned my talents towards exposing the last bastion of White supremacy in the world as candidly as I can. I am literally dissecting White male / Asian women couples and the Eurasian identity to a degree that nobody else ever has.

I actually moved to China (which saved my life) in order to escape racism and feelings of inferiority – and was shocked on learning that my own mother (and many other Chinese) had moved to America in order to find the American dream – a dream that hated me for my Asian blood. 

highly recommend that any potential parent to half-Asian children make sure that they are marrying on a clean slate – with zero fetishism, zero white-worship, and zero undertones of racial hierarchies – and that they be completely honest about this, to avoid sending more young man down the path that I went. Hapa males in particular need special consideration due to the fact that we have zero privilege, and yet are raised by two people who want privilege without having to do any of the work.

I am doing this for every single half-Asian kid out there who has committed suicide, thought about suicide, suffered from racism, isolation, outcasting, and had two parents whose entire relationship was nothing but lust, selfishness, even hatred – leaving us with nothing but perpetual isolation. The world does not care about Hapa males if you look average or even a little bit Asian. The world – even Asian women, who truly believe that they are white – only care about whiteness and white men.

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“My son is half-Asian, and he’s handsome.”

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Your handsome half Asian son.

Here’s a question. Are there handsome Asian men? Yes or no.

Here’s another question. Did your wife want them? Nope, she did not. Do white women want them? Nope, they do not. Don’t believe me? Just look up any study on online dating.

So why the hell would anyone want a handsome half Asian when they could just get a handsome full Asian?

The “beautiful Hapa” mixed baby myth is essentially nothing but that, a myth. I will explain why in a logical manner.

Even if Hapas are good looking, the fact remains that your treatment still depends on how Asian you look. “I know well adjusted Hapas,” means you know Hapas who pass entirely as white.

I have noticed in my life that despite some women considering me good looking, calling me gorgeous, handsome, dashing and beautiful, there are still women that disregarded me entirely for my race and told me so. Why exactly I would differentiate between the hurt this caused me, and the fact the my mother was the same way – makes no sense to me. Why would I look at my parents and not automatically think “white worship” when I myself have experienced discrimation?

I recognize her and the women in my family as being just as repulsive. People here REALLY think that a half Asian son is able to look at his mother and father and NOT see a woman who rejected all Asian men, worshipped white men, and a man who leveraged his whiteness to get laid? You really think we Eurasian sons don’t look at an Asian mom, White dad, as an almost living parody of the stereotype of the western man and his geisha submissive bride? (Notwithstanding in my case my dad was legitimately a conservative weirdo and my mother an insane, status grubbing woman with dyed hair and colored contacts).

Newsflash: We ALL think like this, though we’d never tell you.

Also, for almost a decade I would look at repulsion at my Asian features in the mirror and had a borderline paranoia at looking Asian to the extent I considered dying my hair blond and wearing colored contacts. I would even cut my hair short for a decade for a fear of its natural dark brown / black color to come out. I wouldn’t even let anyone photograph me – let alone photograph me from the side, because my side profile vaguely represented that of an Asian man, and tell me exactly why I would want to be an Asian man?

I refused to look at photos in which I looked Asian (which I DEFINITELY DO) and would instantly balk and sulk at someone making a comment about how I looked Asian. This is DESPITE me living in China where I feel less paranoid about my appearance, but still get stared at by locals and treated as an outsider because of my unusual looks.

The fact remains that there are good looking Asian men – and Asian women are still rejecting them in favor of attractive, unattractive or ugly white men, which indicates that it isn’t the looks that is so much at issue but that white blood that is valued in us.

So essentially we’re told from birth that to look Asian as a man is to be incredibly disadvantaged even with the women that we would otherwise be able to use as a fallback if non-Asian women didn’t want us. So even Asian women don’t want Asian men – yet we look Asian, so how fucked are we?

Even if I were attractive, which I assume I am by what people have told me, I would still be vehemently opposed to anyone, or any woman, who told me that white men are better candidates for making babies than Asian men.

Why would I believe a woman (or my mother in this case) who told me that race wasn’t the issue, when all indications, especially the overall behavior of Asian women, indicates that this is the issue?

How the HELL could I ever accept this attitude from a woman – even my own mother and women in my family?

How the HELL could this ever lead to a mentally healthy attitude development in a Hapa child?

How the HELL could I possibly ever come to terms, now or later, with the undeniable fact that the womb that birthed me believed that white men – even one with less qualifications than an Asian man – would make a better father / sperm donor / partner than an Asian man?

And what people don’t realize is that half-Asians, in the eyes of most people, men and women, are still Asians.

People who make those distinctions, make no distinction between full and half, which is why Elliot Rodger still was unable to achieve the natural confidence that came with being fully white, and snapped because he was never treated as something he believed he was treated as.

This, what you read here, is the ultimate affirmation of a specific kind of psychosis that will manifest in Eurasian men more often than not, and I expect there to be more outbursts or otherwise negative behavioral patterns in Eurasians – even handsome Eurasians.

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Another handsome Eurasian son. Yale student turned drug dealer. 

Essentially, the issue here is one of extreme nihilism: Asian women only value WHITENESS in their partners – to the extent that they grossly disregard personal development, character and intelligence, and this attitude, one that is at the same time, extremely lax towards white behavior, and stringent in its requirements for whiteness, is one that causes as massive, massive, massive dichotomy in the child, assuming he is straight, proud of who he is and determined to find a strong identity.

So now your half Asian son will be bullied, called a small dick chink, reminded of how he is Asian – and even worse, reminded of how millions upon millions upon MILLIONS of women who look like his mother hated Asian features. Good job folks, you’ve done it!

 

The Half Asian Baby Lie Pushed by Asian Women (And Their White Male Enablers)

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Deanna Fei’s son. He witnessed racial abused by white men at a Knicks game and will be turned down by white and Asian women, just like his mother turned down Asian men. So now you have a totally Asian looking son born to a woman who spent her entire life talking shit about Asian men and chasing tall white men.
  • Cute babies don’t mean good lookin adults.
  • Most Eurasians don’t look like movie stars.
  • Most Eurasians just look Asian. At best they will look like good looking Asian men, but usually look average.
  • Most women don’t want any Asian blood at all (I’ve been shot down for being Asian three times – despite being tall, good looking, and popular, and this was enough to destroy me forever).
  • Asian women think tall blond white men are better, so that means white men are better than Eurasians.
  • People who hate Asian men – including most women – don’t distinguish between half and full. We are still chinks, inferior to the white men they wanted.
  • Asian women marry white men for social access – i.e., to higher society, access to European spaces, but we, their half Asian sons, are severely limited from those same spaces due to racial insults, disparaging remarks and open discrimination
  • You’re literally asking your own son to take pride in the fact that he looks Asian… but his own mother and all her friends and literally all but a few women around him don’t want Asian men? Really? Are you really asking us to do that?

Even more telling is that 90% of all half Asian people have white dads and Asian moms and we’re supposed to not notice this somehow – we’re not allowed to talk about it despite the fact that no matter where we go – there are Asian women openly preferring white men – meaning that half Asian blood is essentially worthless. 

“Chicks dig mixed guys,” is what I hear a lot. How come whenever a Eurasian says this he’s twenty years old, a permanent virgin, and has no experience with women at all? Chicks dig white looking mixed guys. They don’t dig Asian looks at all. Stop lying about this.

Why are all of our fathers White? Why was my father tall, redheaded, and White? Why should we be proud of this?

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I was a super, super cute kid as a child, just like this kid – guess what, still been called a chink, still been turned down by Asian women, by white women, still can’t help but notice that almost all Eurasians have white fathers and Asian mothers.

Yet I’ve been turned down for being Asian?

Why is it that everywhere I go I see White male / Asian woman couples?

Why are Eurasian offspring expected not to notice that almost all of our fathers are white?

Why can’t I grow a full beard? Why is my hair black and my eyes brown?

Why do I still have comments made towards me of how “Asian I look?”

Why is it that society and commenters here talk about Eurasian beauty yet I still lack the ease of access, to jobs, to girlfriends, that my 6’2″ white male friends with facial hair have?

Why should I be proud of being Asian at all? Why should I be proud to be Eurasian when this just means that my father injected me with white DNA – like a mulatto slave who is treated like absolute shit, looked down on, despite having a white parent?

Why don’t I just try to be white – since my mom sought after a white man, in a white country, to speak a white language, to get a white passport, to gain white citizenship, what’s the point in being Eurasian? Why not just white?

Why should I be proud, as a Eurasian, of having a white father, especially when white men gloat around the world about how white men “own” Asian women?

Why should I be proud to be a Eurasian when all this really means is that white men are better than Asian men – no matter how you try to spin it?

Why should I be proud to be Eurasian when Asian women around the world throw themselves like cheap floozies at white men – yet I’ve faced such extreme racism in my life, being called a small dick chink, that “I don’t like Asian guys”, that, “I only like white guys,” and I just have to constantly remind myself that my father was white, just like every other Eurasian?

Why should I aspire to be anything when this would just be proving to the world that Asian women are right in chasing white men? Why should I aspire to be a successful Eurasian when this just means that Asian women are correct in having white fetishes and that their mixed-race children are magical?

 

Explaining extreme behavior of young Eurasian males, Part 15

I’m going for total transparency. I try to explain being Eurasian as best as I can. I’m not pretending to be a moral or good person. I am exactly what I am, meaning I was born from two people whose intentions were never clear. You can develop your own theories; Oedipal, Freudian, emasculation, narcissism, failed expectations, mental illness, hybrid depression, anything you want, but I will tell you what it’s like.

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When I see stories like this, the first thing I think is that, shit, I was almost there. Please believe me. Being a Eurasian male is something almost inexplicably terrifying to ourselves. Not to all of us, but to some of us.

I hold back on a lot of my explanations for two reasons.

  • I have the number one half-Asian blog, if not website, on the internet right now so eventually I’m going to catch the eye of someone who knows me. This would essentially be familial suicide.
  • I don’t want to genuinely talk about the kind of mental illness I went under out of fear of… whatever. You guess. Flashing lights, sirens, etc. Sad to say, I went through a phase like that, but I’m over it now, ironically after keeping this blog.
  • During this phase I felt like I was no longer in control. It’s hard to explain, when your mind is so far gone that you feel as if you no longer own your own actions. I felt like I was being trapped in my own appearance, desperate to claw my way out by any means. And the rage, and anger. The sense of being abandoned, the loneliness, the isolation.

I myself admit that I’m a far cry from how either the Asian community or the white community would expect of someone from my educational background.

I also admit that, as far as my readers can tell, I’m “not all there,” I’m a very emotionally damaged person, hurt at a deep level and deeply distrustful of human beings. I am not a good person, I am in fact probably the complete opposite of what a Tiger Mom and a conservative dad – or any kind of upstanding human being – would want from a child. Again, far from the “Eurasian” master race myth, but…

There’s one thing I know and that is that my kind of problem isn’t unique. Up until I went to college I never met another Eurasian male with a white father except for one, who was half Philippino and huge.

I thought this absence was unusual in retrospect. Most of the Eurasians I knew were girls with white fathers or either gender with Asian fathers. It’s as if we were just dropping like flies early on.

I want to explain why guys like the above story are pulling knives on people.

We snap, that’s all it is, really, and the reason is because we feel as if we have no hope.

It’s not like full Asians, who have the hope of becoming rich and getting married. With Eurasians we’re essentially told from birth that looking how we look is somehow a crime.

Full Asian guys say, hey, at least my mom and dad love me, they support me and wish the best for me. For Eurasian guys, it’s like, we don’t even know our own parents. We don’t know who they are. They don’t even know who they are. I mean if you think about it you have two people from totally different backgrounds getting together for reasons that neither one of them is perfectly clear about…. and if they were clear about it, they’d be bad fucking reasons.

Essentially the fetishization clouds their relationship so much that they wind up having such a weird, weird dynamic between the two, and more often than not they converse in broken English. Sometimes I wonder if my mother’s frustration also stemmed from her inability to express herself clearly.

I mean, Christ, just think about it. Just think about it for a moment.

  • It’s an Asian woman being penetrated by a white man. His arm around her in all your photos. White dominating Asian.
  • You go online and see people who look like you absent from everywhere. From pornos, from books, from movies. You see Keanu Reeves, that’s all.
  • You look Asian, but you don’t. You can’t be Asian. Your dad is white. You can’t be.
  • You go out and try to make friends. Then the jokes start. Small dick this, chink that.
  • You say, fuck this, I’m going to be proud to be Asian.
  • Then you realize that Asian men around you are a laughing stock as well.
  • You catch your mom watching Bradley Cooper. She’s watching pale, big nosed white guys that look just like your dad. Forget Oedipal – talk Freudian. 
  • You look Asian. Even your own dad thinks Asian jokes are funny. He’s totally aloof. Even your own mom thinks they’re funny.
  • Your mom makes comments about your tall nose, your eyes, as if you are a doll. You’re not Asian, she says. But you are.
  • You begin to hate everything about yourself. Your hair texture. It looks Asian. Your nose looks Asian. Your eyes look a little bit Asian. You want to just… claw them out, pull your fucking hair out. You’re white. My dad is white.
  • Maybe you’re good looking, maybe you’re not. It doesn’t matter – because you’re still a chink and good looking chinks don’t matter.
  • You begin to feel trapped, and hopeless. The Hapa beauty myths don’t help. Most people just look at you like a chink. You complain to your mom, but she’s in the arms of a man who looks exactly like the people calling you a chink, day in, and day out.
  • Boom. You realize that you’re in the defeated class – but who defeated you? 
  • Wait for it – your own parents, the people who should have been with you since day one. And not only that, but it dawns on you that Asian culture itself, the culture you were raised halfway in, was and is so callous as to not give a single shit about your wellbeing. It was as if, here’s some white blood, deal with it.
  • Boom.

It’s all incredible bizarre. And it has to do with something I still haven’t figured out yet. Just the insane degree of cruelty present in Asian culture that places the individual last, or the massive degree of racism in white culture, just combined for a nuclear level meltdown.

I’m past it now. I’ve moved on. It’s just fair to point out that being Eurasian born in the 1980’s meant that we went through an incubation period. I think this blog should just be a monument to the shit we had to deal with. It takes thirty years for a person to cook fully and within those thirty years some of us just can’t take the heat.

“Covert Incest” between Asian Mothers and their Eurasian / Hapa sons?

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Xiaxue and her husband Mike. He’s on the far left. Like my parents, my mother didn’t want to be anywhere near my dad after we were born, since the ultimate goal was to just have half Asian babies, not to love the man. Newsflash: If you get into a relationship based on race, you’re probably not the best human beings. “Best of both worlds.” No. Worst of both worlds.
  • I was crazy growing up. Once again, revisit the early pages of this blog to see my craziness on full blast. If you don’t believe I’m hapa, then really, best of luck to what you have in store.

Looking back I’ve begun to actually realize just how crazy white male / Asian woman relationships are. I’m here to tell you exactly what goes on from the inside. I’m snitching on one of the most racist pairings on earth.

If you think about them, they border on the absurd. They are producing by the millions damaged, messed up and potentially violent children. No other pairing comes close to the amount of loaded sexual / political crap that White men / Asian women harbor.

Yes, there are crazy white / black / full Asian people. But for a group of Hapas who are pushed as being the superior ethnic group (e.g., how many times have you heard “best of both worlds”) – we seem to demonstrate a tremendous amount of crazy behavior relative to our small amounts. And more importantly, rather than demonstrating “best of both worlds” behavior, we have fallen very short of our expectations.

On Reddit, a white girl (who is familiar with the experiences of Hapas as one of her friends is a drug addicted half-Korean / half white male) posted this about her therapist in New Zealand.

Just thought I’d report an interesting conversation I had the other day with a friend who is a therapist/counsellor. She told me she started seeing more and more cases with victims of “covert incest” from biracial families. She didn’t specify the races but being in New Zealand I can safely assume she’s speaking of the Hapa population since they’re the biggest mixed-race demographic here.

I didnt even know what covert incest was until I spoke to my friend about it. I have done some searching online about it being more apparent in mixed race families but hardly anything came up. Then again covert incest is a recently discovered topic and not widely spoken about. Considering the racial fetish some people who enter these mixed relationships have – time will tell I guess?

Wikipedia describes “covert incest” as:  “a style of parenting in which a parent looks to their child for the emotional support that would be normally provided by another adult.”

My take on this:

  1. It’s New Zealand. The vast majority of mixed race people there are either half Maori, or half FOB Asian (through their mother, obviously).
  2. I underwent covert incest as well. I just learned this term today.
  3. My mother never loved my father. Not from the beginning. As I said, Asian women use white men, but don’t love them.

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