To this day, my father still believes that my mother loved him and was a good person; he tried to show me their love letters stuffed in plastic bins in the basement of some refurbished farm house in some shit redneck state. This was despite the fact that, during my talk last month with my aunt, who is some kind of CFA or VIP at a top investment back, admitted that they “should never have gotten married.” I sat down with an Asian woman (married to a Chinese man) who employs a thousand people, and told her to her face, that my mother and father got married for fetishes; and when prompted she *told me, her nephew* that white men who marry Asian women “do so because they want to feel powerful.”
She also told me that my mother weighed around 70(!) pounds when she appeared in mid-July, on Central Park West, to meet my other aunt, to literally complain about my father. I think the story goes like this: my father had somehow quit his job or denied some kind of benefit 1-2 years before my mother died. I don’t remember exactly (though it’s only been a month) and she was sick at the time, and she had been in such distress that she called my other aunt (also married to a white male) to meet outside Central Park, and was wearing a down winter coat in July(!). My aunt was shocked to see her. Within a year my mother was dead… the story goes was that she was crying profusely on her death bed, begging my aunt to not allow my father to take me back to his state and also begging her family to take care of us, my brother and I. How she loved us so much.
All for a white man. All for a white man. All for a white man.
And thus this is how the story goes:
My mother approached my father during one of her language classes in university. By no surprise he was 6’3″, redhaired, and I guess unknown to her, borderline Aspergers. She valued his race. Of course she did.
“There’s no way she could have know what he was like,” you’ll say. Of course not. But if she had married a Chinese man, she could have know exactly what the guy was going to be like. Or at least had a general idea.
So she married a white man on the principal that he was white. And my father fell for petty lie number one: that it was for his person, not his race.
So for white men reading this; you essentially married a woman whose only interest in you was on the basis that you are white. “No it wasn’t.” Petty lie number one. “Oh, Asian men are controlling, Asian men are misogynistic.” Yet all the white men they marry and sleep with are 6’2″+ and they can’t keep their mouths shut about how physically inferior Asian men are behind closed doors.
Then I, the son, and my brother, was born. And we were told, from birth, that it’s all about embracing Chinese / Asian culture. Petty lie number two. Culture became irrelevant as soon as the father’s physical characteristics were the number one deciding factor. How dare this woman tell me that I am Chinese when she betrayed everything Chinese in taking a white man into her bed.
We were also encouraged to study hard and make a lot of money and play violin and avoid video games and parties; but why? My father didn’t make a lot of money. In fact, it became apparent as I entered high school and college that being white was the key to having sex, having girls, having love, even. Petty lie number three.
My mother set the precedent for us; she said that being white was all that matters; even if she didn’t say it directly.
Petty lie number four: The marriage was a loving one. It never was about love. It was about genes. It was about height and fair coloration and race. It was about race entirely from the beginning. And when the fantasy started to fade, when this 40 year old woman realized she had married an illogical loser who valued his own fantasy and romance about life and God and meaning, decided to give up his job, in order to escape whatever soul-sucking thing he felt was sucking his soul, she started to go nuts. She showed up in Manhattan wearing a fur coat in July, weighing less than a child. This woman from a family of multimillionaires. She hadn’t married her prince Charming. She had married a human being, the same white human being that white women never wanted.
It was a lie from the beginning and I expect any white male in a sexless marriage to a cold, conniving Asian woman, with two slacker or “weird” Asian male sons (despite them pretending they’re well adjusted for their white daddies), to be able to relate.
“Oh, but my white husband and I are not like that. My Asian wife and I are not like that.”
And I reply with: how would you know? You’ve been lying to each other from the beginning.