The Asian Female / White Male Dynamic Broken Down from the Inside (I.e., From a Eurasian Son Viewpoint)

Since this blog is quite long I figured I would reiterate my experience as the son of an Asian mom and White father. If you have similar experiences please contribute to this thread.

I will break this down sequentially.

  1. My mother had a poor relationship with her father, who was physically abusive to his children; she also had a background of poverty wherein the grandfather quite literally beat all of the children with a cane in the case of them doing poorly in school.
  2. She threw herself at my father on meeting him in a university setting; he was tall and blue eyed with red hair. So in other words, she had a white-fetish.
  3. Father was a nebbish, soft-spoken “Asiaphile” with a degree in East Asian studies and multilingual in Asian languages.
  4. Father believed mother was “God’s gift from heaven.”
  5. My brother was born, then I was born via C-section, after which my mother received a blood infusion with blood tainted with Hepatitis (which would ultimately prove fatal).
  6. Up until the marriage and the time after that I don’t recall since I was too young.
  7. Brother looked distinctly more Asian than me, with black hair.
  8. Mother began to “Tiger Mom” my brother and focus all of her attention onto him; I suspect this is because he looked more Asian.
  9. I was allowed more liberties in terms of sports, video games, social activities; brother was mostly friendless.
  10. I began to act out at a young age, acting violently and anti-socially; possibly as a way to get attention from my mother who seemed to devote time to brother (possibly because she felt little connection with me, because of the C-section or because I looked less like her)
  11. My mother gradually grew sicker and with this more anger at my father’s racism (she called the police on him), as well as his inability to provide (was making roughly 40,000 to 50,000 a year against her siblings’ husbands who were making millions), as well as his cultural ineptitude and unwillingness to take a strict mentality with the children. Her fantasy of a tall white man became a reality of being married to a balding white guy – the exact type of guy who marries Asian women in the first place.
  12. Mother repeatedly hit my brother and I with various items, coat hangers, rulers, etc.
  13. Mother confiscated our toys repeatedly, punishing us with more and more severity.
  14. Towards the end of her life grew extremely resentful and hateful towards my father, constantly badmouthing him to me, criticizing everything from his eating habits to his appearance, and refused to allow us to go with him to his home state in the event of her death. Near the end she had a full blown hatred of him and refused to even see him while on her deathbed; she died alone.
  15. Died. I did not cry at her funeral although my brother did. I was laughing. This followed by 12 years of nightmares involving my mother returning.
  16. Brother having been primed to be accepted into a single top ranked school his entire life, was rejected despite my mother’s promises and efforts. His mental state collapsed.
  17. Unable to function without mother’s intervention he locked himself in his room for an entire year.
  18. After this became hooked on meds, institutionalized and spent $150,000 on mental health services despite doctors saying nothing was wrong with him.
  19. Effectively destroyed his entire brain with medicine and is no longer recognizable as a person; has worn the same shirt for 11 years. Schizophrenic as well as violent breakdowns at work in which the police were involved.
  20. My story was effectively increasingly paranoid, hatred of my Asian appearance, shame, involvement in white supremacist groups, extreme weight loss and weight gain in order to alter my appearance to be more white, etc.

“My son is half-Asian, and he’s handsome.”

Your handsome half Asian son.

Here’s a question. Are there handsome Asian men? Yes or no.

Here’s another question. Did your wife want them? Nope, she did not. Do white women want them? Nope, they do not. Don’t believe me? Just look up any study on online dating.

So why the hell would anyone want a handsome half Asian when they could just get a handsome full Asian?

The “beautiful Hapa” mixed baby myth is essentially nothing but that, a myth. I will explain why in a logical manner.

Even if Hapas are good looking, the fact remains that your treatment still depends on how Asian you look. “I know well adjusted Hapas,” means you know Hapas who pass entirely as white.

I have noticed in my life that despite some women considering me good looking, calling me gorgeous, handsome, dashing and beautiful, there are still women that disregarded me entirely for my race and told me so. Why exactly I would differentiate between the hurt this caused me, and the fact the my mother was the same way – makes no sense to me. Why would I look at my parents and not automatically think “white worship” when I myself have experienced discrimation?

I recognize her and the women in my family as being just as repulsive. People here REALLY think that a half Asian son is able to look at his mother and father and NOT see a woman who rejected all Asian men, worshipped white men, and a man who leveraged his whiteness to get laid? You really think we Eurasian sons don’t look at an Asian mom, White dad, as an almost living parody of the stereotype of the western man and his geisha submissive bride? (Notwithstanding in my case my dad was legitimately a conservative weirdo and my mother an insane, status grubbing woman with dyed hair and colored contacts).

Newsflash: We ALL think like this, though we’d never tell you.

Also, for almost a decade I would look at repulsion at my Asian features in the mirror and had a borderline paranoia at looking Asian to the extent I considered dying my hair blond and wearing colored contacts. I would even cut my hair short for a decade for a fear of its natural dark brown / black color to come out. I wouldn’t even let anyone photograph me – let alone photograph me from the side, because my side profile vaguely represented that of an Asian man, and tell me exactly why I would want to be an Asian man?

I refused to look at photos in which I looked Asian (which I DEFINITELY DO) and would instantly balk and sulk at someone making a comment about how I looked Asian. This is DESPITE me living in China where I feel less paranoid about my appearance, but still get stared at by locals and treated as an outsider because of my unusual looks.

The fact remains that there are good looking Asian men – and Asian women are still rejecting them in favor of attractive, unattractive or ugly white men, which indicates that it isn’t the looks that is so much at issue but that white blood that is valued in us.

So essentially we’re told from birth that to look Asian as a man is to be incredibly disadvantaged even with the women that we would otherwise be able to use as a fallback if non-Asian women didn’t want us. So even Asian women don’t want Asian men – yet we look Asian, so how fucked are we?

Even if I were attractive, which I assume I am by what people have told me, I would still be vehemently opposed to anyone, or any woman, who told me that white men are better candidates for making babies than Asian men.

Why would I believe a woman (or my mother in this case) who told me that race wasn’t the issue, when all indications, especially the overall behavior of Asian women, indicates that this is the issue?

How the HELL could I ever accept this attitude from a woman – even my own mother and women in my family?

How the HELL could this ever lead to a mentally healthy attitude development in a Hapa child?

How the HELL could I possibly ever come to terms, now or later, with the undeniable fact that the womb that birthed me believed that white men – even one with less qualifications than an Asian man – would make a better father / sperm donor / partner than an Asian man?

And what people don’t realize is that half-Asians, in the eyes of most people, men and women, are still Asians.

People who make those distinctions, make no distinction between full and half, which is why Elliot Rodger still was unable to achieve the natural confidence that came with being fully white, and snapped because he was never treated as something he believed he was treated as.

This, what you read here, is the ultimate affirmation of a specific kind of psychosis that will manifest in Eurasian men more often than not, and I expect there to be more outbursts or otherwise negative behavioral patterns in Eurasians – even handsome Eurasians.

Another handsome Eurasian son. Yale student turned drug dealer. 

Essentially, the issue here is one of extreme nihilism: Asian women only value WHITENESS in their partners – to the extent that they grossly disregard personal development, character and intelligence, and this attitude, one that is at the same time, extremely lax towards white behavior, and stringent in its requirements for whiteness, is one that causes as massive, massive, massive dichotomy in the child, assuming he is straight, proud of who he is and determined to find a strong identity.

So now your half Asian son will be bullied, called a small dick chink, reminded of how he is Asian – and even worse, reminded of how millions upon millions upon MILLIONS of women who look like his mother hated Asian features. Good job folks, you’ve done it!


A Challenge to My Readers:

Observe Eurasians in real life.

Observe their behavior; observe their reactions to being called Asians.

Also observe their reaction to saying “of course your dad is white.”

Also observe the numerous amount of single, gay, or just plain forever alone Eurasians out there.

Until the age of 22-23, this is doable; the constant lies fed to them by their parents that race doesn’t matter is enough to bide their time, until early adulthood, where they can still hold onto the hope that they can achieve true equality in the dating world, and in the real world.

But most of all I challenge you to really observe the ones you know and consider it in light of what I am writing on this website.

Remember: pain can be subdued with enough psychotherapy of comforting talk; but biological reality? Can that really be subdued, ever?

Again, I ask any Eurasian person or even a white person reading this blog: why are Asian women so adamant about finding white men? What is the issue here?

No amount of coping or lies changes the reality of being Eurasian

Asian women marry men simply because they are white and because Asian men are not good enough.

The son himself will be Asian. This is an undeniable fact.

  • “My wife isn’t like that.” Yes, she is.
  • “I’ll raise my sons to be different.” You will try, and then they will inevitably be blockaded by biology, the same thing that drove your own wife away from Asian men.
  • “You need to embrace self improvement.” Did you? Your wife selected you for your race – you had no need for self improvement.

I’ve said it so many times, but nothing you can do, no amount of coping, no amount of lies can change biology.

Are these statements lies?

  1. The relationship of between the white male and the Asian female is based on the superiority of the white male over the Asian male. Is this, or is this not, a lie?
  2. Despite there being an equal number of Asian men and Asian women, and Asian men outnumbering Asian women in some cases, Asian women still select white men. Is this or is this not a lie?
  3. Asian women almost overwhelmingly prefer white men and make the unique statement in their actions that Asian men are undesirable.
  4. The child is half Asian. He is still not white, still far from the ideal harbored by the Asian female. Is this or is this not a lie?
  5. The child will suffer from stereotypes and from discrimination from Asian women. Is this, or is this not a lie?
  6. The mother and father will then try to tell their children that race doesn’t matter at all, when in fact race does matter at all, so that her child feels as adequate as he or she possibly can.
  7. Most mothers and fathers will never do anything to hurt their children and will lie to Hapa children and tell them that it was about love, when it was about race all along.

I noticed that since the blog has been up there haven’t been any claims that these are lies. In fact, most people simply say, “take care of yourself,” or “don’t be so down.”

But why do these lies persist? Why are we all so adamant about maintaining these lies?

The Relationship between White Men and Asian Women is based on petty lies

To this day, my father still believes that my mother loved him and was a good person; he tried to show me their love letters stuffed in plastic bins in the basement of some refurbished farm house in some shit redneck state. This was despite the fact that, during my talk last month with my aunt, who is some kind of CFA or VIP at a top investment back, admitted that they “should never have gotten married.” I sat down with an Asian woman (married to a Chinese man) who employs a thousand people, and told her to her face, that my mother and father got married for fetishes; and when prompted she *told me, her nephew* that white men who marry Asian women “do so because they want to feel powerful.”

She also told me that my mother weighed around 70(!) pounds when she appeared in mid-July, on Central Park West, to meet my other aunt, to literally complain about my father. I think the story goes like this: my father had somehow quit his job or denied some kind of benefit 1-2 years before my mother died. I don’t remember exactly (though it’s only been a month) and she was sick at the time, and she had been in such distress that she called my other aunt (also married to a white male) to meet outside Central Park, and was wearing a down winter coat in July(!). My aunt was shocked to see her. Within a year my mother was dead… the story goes was that she was crying profusely on her death bed, begging my aunt to not allow my father to take me back to his state and also begging her family to take care of us, my brother and I. How she loved us so much.

All for a white man. All for a white man. All for a white man.

And thus this is how the story goes:

My mother approached my father during one of her language classes in university. By no surprise he was 6’3″, redhaired, and I guess unknown to her, borderline Aspergers. She valued his race. Of course she did.

“There’s no way she could have know what he was like,” you’ll say. Of course not. But if she had married a Chinese man, she could have know exactly what the guy was going to be like. Or at least had a general idea.

So she married a white man on the principal that he was white. And my father fell for petty lie number one: that it was for his person, not his race.

So for white men reading this; you essentially married a woman whose only interest in you was on the basis that you are white. “No it wasn’t.” Petty lie number one. “Oh, Asian men are controlling, Asian men are misogynistic.” Yet all the white men they marry and sleep with are 6’2″+ and they can’t keep their mouths shut about how physically inferior Asian men are behind closed doors.

Then I, the son, and my brother, was born. And we were told, from birth, that it’s all about embracing Chinese / Asian culture. Petty lie number two. Culture became irrelevant as soon as the father’s physical characteristics were the number one deciding factor. How dare this woman tell me that I am Chinese when she betrayed everything Chinese in taking a white man into her bed.

We were also encouraged to study hard and make a lot of money and play violin and avoid video games and parties; but why? My father didn’t make a lot of money. In fact, it became apparent as I entered high school and college that being white was the key to having sex, having girls, having love, even. Petty lie number three.

My mother set the precedent for us; she said that being white was all that matters; even if she didn’t say it directly.

Petty lie number four: The marriage was a loving one. It never was about love. It was about genes. It was about height and fair coloration and race. It was about race entirely from the beginning. And when the fantasy started to fade, when this 40 year old woman realized she had married an illogical loser who valued his own fantasy and romance about life and God and meaning, decided to give up his job, in order to escape whatever soul-sucking thing he felt was sucking his soul, she started to go nuts. She showed up in Manhattan wearing a fur coat in July, weighing less than a child. This woman from a family of multimillionaires. She hadn’t married her prince Charming. She had married a human being, the same white human being that white women never wanted.

It was a lie from the beginning and I expect any white male in a sexless marriage to a cold, conniving Asian woman, with two slacker or “weird” Asian male sons (despite them pretending they’re well adjusted for their white daddies), to be able to relate.

“Oh, but my white husband and I are not like that. My Asian wife and I are not like that.”

And I reply with: how would you know? You’ve been lying to each other from the beginning.

“In high school my best friend was half Asian half white, and he would always tell me of all the problems he had fitting in. . In Freshman year of college he killed himself and in his suicide note he said multiple times how he hated being a half breed”

From Reddit found by poster u/mtzo.

Once again it is non Eurasians telling us that we’re fine.

We’re all “beautiful, well adjusted people.”

Yet for some reason, all of our moms did not want Asian men – the same things that we are. As a Asian-nish looking Hapa I can only imagine the hell of being completely Asian looking and knowing for a fact the ones own mother preferred white men and that there were no women out there, even the ones who look like you – who prefer women who look like you.

His comment:

There is a very real Hapa male crisis brewing in America, for all the reasons we’ve listed. We are just seeing the surface of it, the real tectonic plate shifts are happening under the surface.

The people most interested in what happens to WMAF kids are of course going to be WM and AF. And of course they will deny, deny, deny, the obvious facts. And people not involved in WMAF will generally ignore it. On top of that, the Hapa population is relatively small. Thats why the Hapa male crisis has been ignored up to now. But times are changing.

To the Hapas on r/Hapas I would say NEVER STOP WHINING. White guys and Asian women keep coming in here, to tell us we are accomplishing nothing with our whining and we should work on self-improvement. They wouldn’t bother trying to stop us, if we were accomplishing nothing. Just by speaking out on r/Hapas we are making a huge difference.


Yeah this white guy says that the Hapa dude was his best friend. And I guess he figured it all out. How Asian men are rated the least attractive, and yet the same Asian women are making Half-Asian boys. He has Asian girls throwing themselves at him. And many white guys would see this as a treat. But hes actually seen it from the Hapa point of view. And he knows that this Asian woman who is so desperate for White DNA, is just going to end up having an Asian-looking son anyway.

Most white guys could figure this out if they wanted to, but they have a self-interest in being willfully blind. But in this case I guess he had a close personal connection with this Hapa best friend.

Notice most of the comments, just assume he is against racemixing, without really dwelling into the complexities of Hapa male issues.

The incredible dangerous gamble of being Hapa

I’ve noticed several things about being Hapa and the kinds of people I’ve come into contact with recently.

There are so called “happy Hapas;” they tend to be… less intelligent and or completely non-Asian looking. A lot of them curiously have Phillipino mothers, meaning that their mothers were largely opportunists, with a Catholic background, rather than vitriolic atheist self haters.

If you are good looking, like Daniel Henney, or if you look entirely white, or if you are very tall, like Nathan Adrian, then I suppose you’d be okay. What possible reason could a white looking Hapa or passing Hapa have for considering these things?

And if you aren’t? If your child isn’t white passing, good looking, or tall? Then we get Elliot Rodger or Matthew De Grood. 

One thing I have noticed is a prevalence of gay Hapas. Darren Criss and the famous “hot cop of the Castro District” Chris Kohrs, both of whom are obviously gay but hiding it for fear of offending their parents, have little room to consider the implications of being an Asian male who is emasculated.

Could it be the psychosis of watching such a terrible racial dynamic play out in the homestead affect them to the point of becoming asexual or homosexual?

What happens when the son looks entirely or visible Asian in a society that hates Asians, with his own emasculation played out in front of his face, from the time he is born?

Why K-Beauty Matters (to Me) (Why Asian women are Sadists)

Asian women are sadists.

I say this because it dawned on me literally how unequivocally evil they must be to wish, despite never admitting it to their children, that their children do not look like them. You really think that the majority of Hapas don’t notice that way that Asian women throw themselves at white men? You think her own son won’t notice?

The idea that Hapas are beautiful is pushed on us, by none other than Asian women and white men. We did not choose this – and it dawned on me that there are women out there that really do savagely hate the Asian appearance.

They value above all things a whiter appearance.

A link from an attractive Asian woman named Jude Chao saying that she literally hated herself.

Comparing myself to the Caucasian girls around me, I felt unfixably ugly, unfixably wrong. Largely ignored but sometimes taunted and sometimes rejected by boys of every ethnicity, I felt unfixably ugly, unfixably wrong. And looking at the images of Caucasian women that dominated the media and shaped my perceptions of beauty and femininity, I most definitely felt unfixably ugly, unfixably wrong.

Now, after her son is born – she somehow is getting over it, but the lasting legacy of hatred remains, and will be passed onto her son. She is scrambling to come to terms with it now, only after her son is born, only after she was impregnated by a white man.

And despite it all, despite her saying that she does want her son to go through the same thing, her son sees his Asian appearance, and on top of that, sees that his very own mother, thought that white males and white appearance was superior.

And does she think it? Is she deep down really happy that her son looks less Asian than her?

How fucked up these people are and I feel sorry for their children. It took me 25 years to come to terms with my Asian appearance and it wasn’t better because I was half white. It was worse. I knew for a fact that my mother didn’t want Asian men. I knew for a fact that all the women around me including the ones in my own family didn’t want Asian men.

Asian women literally breed mental illness (unless their kids are totally white looking, like Nathan Adrian, then they’re just spiffy; or unless ironically the mother is a Philipino gold-digger who doesn’t hate Asian men but just married CLEARLY for the god damned money and green card).

If you’re hapa don’t have issues, you either look totally white, are a freak of nature at 6’7″, have by some miracle a mother who married for money and not out of white-worship, or are lying.

Fifty Shades of Snail

Over the past couple of years, I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping my voice of reason shut away in the padlocked basement of my mind. Sometimes, though, usually late at night when I’m trying to choose between one of my many, many essences or serums or lovingly leafing through the hundreds of sheet masks in my collection, a muffled voice drifts up to the surface of my consciousness and asks timidly: Why does it matter? Beyond the therapeutic effects of my meticulously curated many-step skincare routine, what is it about K-beauty that has held my attention for so long?

The answer finally came to me last night. When it did, it made so much sense that I knew I had to share it with you all. Maybe I’ll find I’m not the only one who feels the way I do.

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What I noticed about “positive Hapas”.

I’ve come across two or three “positive” Hapas.

One was 6’3″ and looked non-Asian. Once again, he had no room to think about these things in his life. It was convenient for him not to.

The other looked distinctly Asian. He told me that he was very, very afraid of taking the same path as I did.

So in a sense, am I brave for realizing what and who these women are?

These women that instill in their own sons the values of white supremacy, that white men and only white men are capable of creating a life in them? And Asian men are simply left to die? So be it, then I will die with them.

And I put my life on my Asian female readers. Because of you – one of your own – one of your sons, will die.

Would you consider a woman who refuses to date a certain race, to be a good person?

Would you?

Like many Hapas, I too am considered good looking, intelligent, and charming.

I, however, am Asian. I am Asian. 

The existential nightmare of knowing that it was under such vile circumstances, that one life was denied, and another given to me, is too much to bear.

Most Hapas who are “proud” are white enough to be proud of it; so was I. At one point I was very proud of being Chinese without ever considering the ramifications of being a pure Chinese male. Therefore, I was at liberty to claim Chinese heritage without actually living with the weight of it on my shoulders, due to my physical appearance.

Yet even my small amount of blood was enough for me to be denied love – something so simple as that, and yet I, having been denied something as essential as that – am supposed to love my mother? To look on her fondly?